zoloft blob

i am very bored with my life.
i can't remember the last time i had a lot of fun.
it could either be because i haven't had any, or because i black out a lot.

a good reason for it is because my school schedule is set up for me to never be in class.
i thought that would be a dream come true.
but it's not.

i'm just not the type of person that is going to structure my own life unless absolute necessary.
for example, i've needed to go to the gynecologist for the past couple of weeks, but still have not called to make an appointment. My next period will be a great reminder of that. ugh.

i'm in one of those moods where i just want to lock myself in my room for a week. idk if i'd accomplish a lot of things or if i'd just sleep, but i really don't feel like seeing anyone. i feel like people are starting to become fake. and that could be because i've gotten to such a high point of insanity, that people can't be real with me anymore, but regardless... it sucks. and i think, "man i just want to go home. but home sucks as well-minus my parents and dogs." so then i think, "well i can just live with my parents for the rest of my life." and then i want to strangle myself for ever even thinking those words.. and then i want to strangle myself because there aren't any options left. that's horrible. hah! jk dogg.

and people everywhere are going to be like this. regardless of my location. no terrain will ever fix these social problems. even if it IS filled with tall grass and cloudy skies.

maybe i just need to go to sleep.
goodnight!

-Tracy


[i need to be amongst these lil guys. haha look at the one with
the birthday hat! hahahaha what a cute wil guyyyyyyy heh heh.]

yes.
the rumors are true.




i got my internet back! well that's not true. i was given my internet back. because i did absolutely nothing to get it back. isn't that great?! the school just e-mailed me saying my internet was reconnected! and i never had to get rid of all the paraphernalia! hahahahaha i'm so giddy. it's ridiculous. the second i came back to my room and was connected, i blasted "Nothing But a Good Time" by Poison and danced around my room, 80's glam rock style! oo ahh oo ahh!

other news: for lent i'm currently giving up swearing. it's uhh.. well. there's been a few slips. but mostly because i was caught off guard by something. like curling. or people falling on their faces. so consciously. i have not been cussing. see! i'm such a good person. :D jesus must be so proud. my mother and brother are giving up smoking. they have not smoked a single cigarette in the last 41 hours and 40 minutes. good job!

fun fact!: i've stayed awake longer than 41 hours and 40 minutes. that's interesting.

yum yum yum! i've got gum! idk. i'm listening to m. ward thanks to mah friend cesar. i've been listening to them all day long. it's pretty nice.

still trying to find a car for bonnaroo. that's going to be a toughy. but it'll happen. hrmm.

well in the past weeks since i've been gone.. i saw the thermals and tao and the get down stay down in berkeley. for free! that was cool. really cool. and then valentine's day. we went to the pillow fight. it was a bit violent. but there was a dance party so that was cool. and all of the feathers looked like snow! and then.. went to class. but it's the weekend again! soo.. here we GO!

-Tracy



[i really need to see them at bonnaroo. so help me find a ride!
you can come too! i mean look how cool they are. they have an
unexposed nipple in their poster. yeah dude... yeah.]

i really don't remember the last blog i wrote.

i was really fucked up.


but the point of this entry is to apologize for not blogging lately.
my internet is disconnected for reasons that point to me being a criminal.
hah!

but i'm not. ...........................

anyway. i won't be blogging for awhile because of that. so hold tight! whoever!

thank you.

i love you.

-Tracy


[ru paul looks so crazzy with a beard and moustache! whaaaaat?!]

uhhhhhhhhh

i am currently watching late night with jimmy fallon. and it's really funny. probably the funniest episode ever. and then james van der beek was on it, and he was extremely good looking, and talking about farts. so i fell in love. but then i looked up his pictures online.. and he does not look as good. i think it's just his cute sweater over nice shirt and tie outfit and 5 o clock shadow. his blonde 5 o clock shadow. niiiiiiiiiiiiice.

that's like the first man i've been attracted to since jude law with a moustache in sherlock holmes. and before that was no guy. it's eiter moustache or boobs.nice. naice. NICE!.

i just turned off the tv. so now i'm sitting in darkness minus the computer screen. ooo it's like i'm sitting inside my mind. typing about what i see. i see my internal clock. and the comfy, pillowy walls of my brain. and the crators. some filled with irrelevant questions that pop into my head. they are all different colors and fonts and are bopping around a little bit. they sound like a crowd of people! how fun. and then the next crator is filled with nothing. because sometimes there is absolutely nothing going on in my brain. the other crator is covered by a black curtain. or black sheet that i can't take off right now. that means that i cannot unlock the good part of my mind at this moment. it hurts a little bit.

whoa. i think that's the crazziest thing i've ever let escape my head. i must be fucking nutzzzz tonight!

well i think i'm gonna go blow my nose and read some stories.

or maybe i'll talk about what i've been doing real quick:
-changing my life
how you may ask?
-by going to the gym/doing yogo every day
-not getting cross faded. hahaha
-making lists of what to accomplish in each day
-following those lists
-trying to be honest and upfront with people. if i've got a problem! hey now i'm gonna be the type of person to say something about it! ayyy put emm uppp!
-watching late night with jimmy fallon every night
-getting sick
-watching a lot of friends. :D (as in the show)
-joining a fashion club with my friend, kades!
-reading Odyssey. and yet i am only a third way done with it, and need to be done with it in 2 days. shit!

that's my cue! (snot running down my nose)
buh bye!

-Tracy




[they ARE like the same person. uh oh!]

change.

yeah dude. this weekend has shown me that i don't want to get fucked up anymore.
i don't even remember who won the super bowl. that's pretty depressing.

so, here's to a new leaf!!!

that's it.

-Tracy.

bunnies puking

dunna bra! dunna! [imagine there are accent marks over the n and the a]


today was silly. i watched old ru paul all day long, and then the new drag race came on! i'm pretty excited. then i went to like fashion class and learned nothing but laughed a lot. dass pretty koo.


listening to: radiohead
everyone should always be: listening to radiohead.
greatest accomplishment of the day: realizing at 11:00 pm that i had an essay due tomorrow, and finishing it at 12:00 pm. it was only a page, but still. i hadn't even read the readings for it! huh hoh!

greatest accomplisment of the past week: hrmm this is a toughie. i would have to say it is making it safely home at 7 in the morning, by myself, still a little drunk from the night before, from balboa, without a shirt on. :D

greatest accomplishment of my life: looking good. all of the time. hahaha no that's not really an accomplishment. it just.. happens! haha jk. umm i would have to say, well it's a process. of learning how to actually stand up for myself. i've always had doormat syndrome.

ooo! what i think is funny: is that my google searchbox still has bunnies hugging written in it. hahahahaha

OOOO! the cutest thing ever: bunnies puking. i wish i could find a picture of that. OH MY GOD. that is the tattoo i'm going to get. a bunny puking. dude. it's decided. that's awesome. oh my god.


in OTHER news! the super bowl is on sunday. i hope we have a party! i'm down to buy some snacks and p-i-z-z-a!

oh and this is a little late, but coachella isn't selling ANY single day tickets so i'm not going anymore. instead, hopefully, i'm going to see muse in oakland. i need to get on that. okay so call loan people tomorrow. make appointment. get loan. buy tickets. and go shopping. and food. cuz you know, that's why i need a loan! for "living expenses" i HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE. i have to be. that's my major flaw. not being proactive. and then it's always being late. well those are kind of the same things.. but THEEEN it's always getting toothpaste foam all over my mouth when i brush my teeth.

man radiohead. i wish that I was bulletproof...

motha fuckaaaaaaaaaaaa! :D :D :D

-Tracy


[imagine puke coming out of its mouth! fucking cute]